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Mother’s Day HumorList of Mother's Day Humor and Jokes Mother's Dictionary of Meanings Child Sent to Bed Mother’s Day Thoughts and Quotes Things Mom Would Never Say Grandma on the Plane We have new Babies Best Place for Sibling My Teacher is Thankful It's Time to go to School Mother's Dictionary of Meanings Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. Full Name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. Independent: How we want our children to be for as long as they do everything we say. Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours. Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it with saliva. Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. Two-Minute Warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar-grunting noises. Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Child Sent to Bed A small boy is sent to bed by his mother... [Five minutes later] "Mom..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." [Five minutes later] "Mom..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" [Five minutes later] "Mommm..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mother’s Day Thoughts and Quotes
Things Mom Would Never Say
Grandma on the Plane For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We have new Babies For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Best Place for Sibling When Ayush had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Ayush was getting unyielding about being on mom's lap. Mom wasn't able to deal with both children at that time and told Ayush to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: "Mommy, can you please put Shreya back in your tummy now?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Teacher is Thankful Son: “Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.” Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you. So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?” Son: “She just said…“Thank goodness!” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's Time to go to School One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" Son: "But why Mom? I don't want to go." Mom: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" Mom: "Oh, that's no reason to not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!" |
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